A Calculated Risk
I think things over. I’m not an extreme planner but when it comes to making big decisions, I will think over and over about my decisions. But over a month ago, I decided I would leave my location and travel across the country for an undetermined amount of time. As someone who has never bought a one-way ticket, this was a big deal.
This past year has taught me so much. It’s taught me to love my sense of self, my community, and to examine my true desires and wants. It’s taught me that I believe in leading my life in ways that support the greater good. More than anything I began questioning myself and asking, “Have I done everything I wanted to? Do I like who I am?” The answer of course was no, but I realized that being meticulous and overthinking was holding me back. There are probably so many things that I had the opportunity to do and didn’t. My habit was telling myself all the reasons why it wouldn’t work before I even examined an idea. While I understood from my upbringing and circumstances why I didn’t let myself make certain decisions, I now had the opportunity to make my own choices and decisions and still chose to do otherwise. So when the opportunity to leave naturally came up, I decided that I would change my habits. I left and went where the wind took me.
While I am unsure of what the next few months look like, not only personally but in the world, I know that having an unshakeable faith in myself and having a strong community will propel me forward in life. As a black woman in America, sometimes I find myself feeling exhausted and exasperated with the state of the world and my place in it. But it’s been black women who have uplifted me and reminded me that I will be great at whatever I do. It’s black women who have told me to face my fear and then walk through it.
The world has never felt as unstable as it feels now and while that is scary, I’m beginning to think that means we can all live the life we’ve always wanted.